Comments on: Work or stay-at-home?

By: Claudia

Claudia — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:02:49 +0000

I just happened on to your blog. Do your own thing. When you look into the mirror, you see yourself. You don’t see these mothers who think their way is the only way. You may want kids someday and maybe you won’t. That’s what makes the world go round. I had 4 kids and stayed home with them. It was right for me. My best friend had no kids and worked. We both were faced with divorce and she ended up way better off than I did. Do what works for you and don’t worry one bit about the ones who don’t agree!
Claudia

By: Jul

Jul — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:02:43 +0000

Oops realised, I typed wrongly. What I meant is one CANNOT judge how good a mum is by her staying home or not.

By: Jul

Jul — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:00:57 +0000

Hi Yue,
I happened to chance upon your blog site.
I am a stay home mum and sometimes I do doubt whether I might be better off working and bringing more income to the family. Personally, I feel that the child’s first 4 years of his life is an important phase. However having said that, I do think one can judge how good a mum is by her working or not. Do what your heart feels and what you are comfortable with. That is what that matters.

By: yue

yue — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 18:41:36 +0000

Hi Catherine,
Thank you very much for your comments. I am glad that your decision of leaving work really works for you and your family. It's not an easy job, I admire you for that.

Yue

By: Catherine

Catherine — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 13:37:23 +0000

Yue - you totally have the right man. You could only do better if Peter were available

By: Eddy

Eddy — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 09:33:45 +0000

i don’t know how i end up in your blog… Still it is an intersting mail ! What i found very surprising is that you are talking about having children before thinking of finding the right men for that !

It is not surprising if so many women divorce if the only thing they expecting children before partnership from a men. Children are not an equipment for a looking-like perfect life !

I am the father of 2 and i can tell you that for the first year it is really a shame not to enjoy your small children at 100 %. This time does not last and whatever “equal” mens and womens can be, the mother comes at first…

Looking like an attractive person (independant, intellectual and so on) does not mean you are a good partner for someone to give you children.. you really miss the point !

By: Catherine

Catherine — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 03:58:32 +0000

It’s sad a day when women are judged by other women for choices they’ve made. Suggesting that a mom that works outside the house do not have their children as a priority is unfortunate, at best. Shannon, you cannot know the priorities of other women. It could be that working outside the home allows a family to keep food on the table. Or allows a dad not to have to work 2 jobs so the family can spend time together.

I’m glad you’re happy & fulfilled with your decisions. It’s not that easy for everyone. Lots of women struggle. Whether they’re at home not adding to the family’s financial future or dropping their kids off at daycare on their way to the office.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 20:25:44 +0000

Staying home to raise your own children has nothing to do with affordibility. It’s about priorities. When you say that women are lucky to be able to stay home because their husbands have good jobs you’ve missed the boat.

If raising your own children is a priority you will MAKE it happen. My husband and I bend over backward so I can stay home. It’s not about luck, or money. We don’t have much money. But it’s our priority. Therefore it’s happening. Think about it. People DO what they want to do. Period. The “oh, we just can’t afford it” line of bologna is nothing more than a convenient cop out for those who don’t REALLY have their children as a priority.

By: Catherine

Catherine — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:46:35 +0000

Yue,

This is a tough topic. We have two kids. Five months ago I quit my job. It was a combination of hating the job and feeling like I was doing my kids a dis-service.

When we first had Elliot I was asked if I’d be staying home. I replied that I am a better mom because I work. And, as it turns out - I was right. Kids are bored. I’m looking for work. But I am being much more choosy than before.

I think there’s a difference amongst SAHM (stay at home moms). I am not out lunching with my friends, dropping kids off at playdates & classes; our lifestyle doesn’t allow for that without me working. But there is a whole sub-culture of moms & kids that are constantly on-the-go. We’re just not among them.

Staying home has been good for me, for us. I’ve realized that I *like* working. I like the challenges. I like having something that is just mine. And I don’t think that’s selfish. Me being happy means the rest of the family is happy too.

You’re the only one that knows what’s good for you. And I don’t think it’s selfish not to want to have kids. It’s your life - you’re the one that has to live it.